I went to the supermarket recently to purchase an ointment for a stinging nettle rash.
It worked flawlessly – one application was all it took.
It worked perfectly – only one application.
I would appreciate any suggestions. It is extremely irritating, inflammatory, persistent, and doesn’t seem to get better.
TIME Magazine’s disillusioned editors, who have named Harry & Meghan as their top 100 most important, might also require some medical help.
Even the cover is making me vomit.
Harry’s sexy, airbrushed look and bulky ginger mop make me squirm as he sits back behind Meghan like a good lapdog.
I’m intrigued: I’d love to find out what makes this pair of sanctimonious, overprivileged, overpaid, and insanely useless couple in any way “influential”?
What has the couple done that isn’t only in their own interest?
Maybe it was the Oprah interview earlier this year, in which they ridiculed their family to millions.
Harry’s grandfather the Duke of Edinburgh was still in hospital.
Perhaps it was when they signed several lucrative deals with Spotify. Apple TV+, Netflix and starred with Melissa McCarthy in that horribly cringeworthy video.
Maybe Harry accepted an executive job at a start up tech company despite having no relevant qualifications.
You are being very difficult!
This is my last guess.
I think it was when he left Buckingham Palace, his servants, silver platters, chauffeurs, royal jet, and 5* tax-payer funded lifestyle in pursuit of privacy with perhaps one of America’s most ravenously fame-hungry C-list celebrities?
Ah, well. I’m not sure.
But, clearly the big wigs at TIME Magazine think these twits deserve the same title as Dorottya Redai, for example.
Hungarian LGBTQ+ rights pioneer, standing up against Viktor Orban’s antiLGBTQ+ hate campaign.
Ms. Redai does not belong to the royal family. She has never used her name to make changes. She has never signed multi-million dollar deals with Netflix or other companies to increase her net worth. But she is someone who makes a significant impact on society without any nepotism or large sums of money.
These are the people to recognize, as they have genuine influence and can make a positive difference for charitable causes.
In describing the couple, the Magazine said: “In a world where everyone has an opinion about people they don’t know, the duke and duchess have compassion for the people they don’t know.”
Continuing: “They don’t just opine. They run towards the struggle.”
My response: the horses guarding Buckingham Palace spew less sh*t.
Which struggle are they aiming for?
As Harry’s grandfather struggled in hospital, they slashed their family in a tacky tell-all trash-a-thon of the Queen and everything she’s tirelessly worked towards for 69 years.
These dullards couldn’t handle the pressure for more than five minutes.
It could even be when the celebrity couple issued a wish-washy statement on the Afghanistan crisis, claiming to be left “speechless” and feeling “many layers of pain”.
Are they running “towards the struggle”?
They are not.
Instead, they encourage their braindead followers support organisations without describing what they’re doing.
They love grandiose gestures of compassion that display their heroism. In reality, they are asking for others to help them.
So don’t tell me they run towards “struggle”.
Some people might find this harsh.
You can tell Twitter.
It’s not just Harry’s tabby cat perched on Harry’s head, but it seems that others are questioning their ‘influence’.
The couple’s carefully planned and costly PR strategy is beginning to be seen by the rest of the world.
You can see the shocking reaction to this year’s National Television Awards if you are unsure of Brits’ opinions.
YouGov surveyed 1,667 UK adults to find their favourite royal. Prince Andrew currently leads at 34%, while Meghan Markle is only 26%, a dramatic drop since the start.
Adding to the hilarity and spiralling popularity, the audience at this year’s NTAs booed the couple as their interview with Oprah Winfrey was played.
The couple, who seem to live in la-la land must be convinced that they are globally revered icons that have the entire world swooning at their feet.
Why else would they humiliate themselves in that embarrassingly hubristic magazine cover that reveals everything we need to know about them:
Now, you must tell me where I can get that rash treatment.
I urgently need it.
Ryan-Mark is interested in covering a story that you are passionate about. Email: [email protected]
For more of the latest showbiz news from Daily Star, make sure you sign up to one of our newsletters here.